perplexed but not despair

***My testimony is not about my sickness nor the healing crusade I attended, but on how Jesus healed me.***

It’s not about the person he used (the Indonesian pastor working healing and miracles to other nations through Jesus Christ) whether he’s authenticity is questioned or not. The fact that Jesus touched me, and I was healed by His presence, when I waited on Him, when I worshiped Him in Spirit and truth, in desperation of wanting to be healed, in expectation that I would be healed, in great demand from Him that He would heal me, in child-like faith that I didn’t use my logic or reasoning but to believe in His miracle and to really have faith like there’s no tomorrow and by picturing out the thing I would wanted to happen and yes, it happened.


In the waiting, creates a brokenness and humility.


Revelations I personally receive about healing.

  1. Repentance.
  2. Worship.
  3. Openness.
  4. Hunger/ desperation.
  5. Expectation.
  6. Relationship to Jesus.
  7. Communication to Jesus in a personal way.
  8. manifestation of the Holy Spirit.
  9. God appointed time and place of healing.
  10. Agreement between you and God.


Some people especially in the body of Christ might wonder, like how Job’s integrity was questioned by his friends due to his sickness/ mishaps, why I also was suffering from sickness in my body when I’ve been a Christian since I was a child, growing up in the church surrounded with godly relatives, been serving God, had completed a theology course, etc. etc.


Here’s the deal. Last night, I received the answer.

  • I had unsettled emotional traumas, etc. that I needed to release. The Holy Spirit revealed what were those. I was shocked, I thought I was okay with this thing and that thing…since the Holy Spirit could know the mind of our spirits and reveals the real condition of it. So, I release forgiveness to people who hurt me and to myself and ask God to forgive me too since I had disobeyed his calling many times.
  • Expectation. In the house, the day before I was healed, I saw a vision, so my faith was boost. I said, “Yes, Lord you choose that place to heal me, then I will go to that place and meet you there.”
  • Hunger and desperation. 18 years suffering from dysmenorrhea that made me almost curse my womanhood. I once grumbled, “It’s so hard to be a woman especially on red days (monthly period) where I really suffered the pain… the headache, dizziness, nausea, vomiting and worse was the excruciating pain on my loins or lower abdomen every 3 days of each month that made me awake all night.” Moreover, my vertigo that I suffered for 8 years and gastroenteritis was healed by God.
  • Manifestations. Sometimes we question God if He already healed us 100%. So, I asked Him, “Lord how will I know if I was healed, there must be a physical manifestation that I must felt.” When I was worshiping, I see two angels by my side, Jesus from afar facing me and a dove coming from heaven. Then tears rolled first from my right eye to my cheeks like a river. It never stopped. Then, likewise to my left eye. Next, I felt the very cold touch to my head and somehow an electric current to my forehead. The Holy Spirit told me that my problem on my head (that includes my vertigo and migraine) was being healed. The presence of God was so strong that my hands was raised and was so light. The ice cold-watery like current from my head went down to my left hand, and through it the Holy Spirit instructed me to touch my abdomen, which I did, and the miracle took place!
  • I needed to fight for my healing but the fact that I wasn’t for many years made me journeyed 40 years in the desert. Like I was praying a wrong prayer, “Lord if it’s your will…bla bla…” I realized that my prayer for my sickness had been so passive. So last night when my head was healed. I was unsatisfied because two remaining sickness was still there. I desperately told Jesus, “Lord I will not leave this place not healed. Last thing must go, you told me you would heal me today in this place.” Then, when we’re told to place the handkerchief on our heads, I waited and told Jesus, “How will I know Lord if I’m healed with my gastroenteritis and Dysmenorrhea   ?” Then suddenly, my abdomen moved, like there was a shaking /quaking/ vibrating inside and my organs literally were reassembled. I felt goosebumps because I experienced it physically and I was overjoyed since the Holy Spirit told me that my organs inside was being repaired. I was overjoyed and couldn’t wait to thank God and give glory to Him alone!
  •  God has appointed time of healing to display His glory in our lives! Let’s not question Him such as “Why 18 years? Why it took so long? Why just now Lord?” His ways are higher than our ways! We realize that He’s molding us through our sufferings, so we could be much more like Jesus!

God reassured me, “Enough of your suffering, you will now enter My rest and another season of your breakthrough.” Thank you, Lord…all the glory belongs to you!


READ: We are pressured in every way, but not crushed; perplexed [unsure of finding a way out], but not driven to despair; hunted down and persecuted, but not deserted [to stand alone]; struck down, but never destroyed; always carrying around in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the [resurrection] life of Jesus also may be shown in our body. For we who live are constantly [experiencing the threat of] being handed over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the [resurrection] life of Jesus also may be evidenced in our mortal body [which is subject to death].  -2 Corinthians 4:5-11





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